Here's one a christian told me last night.
Jesus walks into an inn. He goes over to the counter where the nice little lady running the desk is sitting. Well, Jesus
reaches into his pocket and pulls out three iron nails which he places on the desk. He looks at the inn keeper and asks, "Can
you put me up for the night?"
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Jesus vs. Elvis
Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)
Jesus is part of "the Trinity."
Elvis' first band: a trio.
Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
Jesus was resurrected.
Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" special.
Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me,
and drink." (John 7:37)
Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
Matthew was one of Jesus' biographers. (The Gospel of
Matthew)
Neil Matthews was one of Elvis' biographers. (Elvis: A
Golden Tribute)
"Jesus' clothes became a dazzling white" (Mark 9:3)
Elvis' snow-white jumpsuits dazzled audiences.
Jesus lived in state of grace in a Near Eastern land.
Elvis lived in Graceland
in a nearly eastern state.
Jesus: the Lamb of God.
Elvis: had mutton chop sideburns.
Jesus' Father is everywhere.
Elvis' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a
bit.
Jesus was a carpenter.
Elvis'
favorite high school class was wood shop.
Jesus said: "Man shall not live by bread alone."
Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and
bananas.
(by Hugh Fogelman)
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Holiday
for Cheezus!
Cheezus Declared Local Favorite
Courtesy of Rabbi Hevel Nudnik of Milpitas Arkansas
A special holiday has been declared in the rural town of Monticello, Florida in honor of Cheezus. In fact the Jefferson County rumor mill has it that this tiny town just minutes from the Georgia border intends to unseat Wisconsin as the Land of Cheezus before
long.
"We've always loved Cheezus 'round here," quipped mayor Silky Udders.
"The thing that's great about Cheezus is there's one for everyone. There's
black Cheezus, yellow Cheezus and white Cheezus, if one don't tickle your
fancy, another surely will!" he concluded wearing a wide milky grin.
Jefferson
County's Cheezus festival will conclude this evening at 7PM
When the Right Reverend Mervin Werthover inaugurates a recently completed
Marble statue of Cheezus (known as the Cottage Cheezus) at Hainesbury cottage
Just behind the Methodist Church.
[Hainesbury Cottage was included in the State of Florida Registry
of
Historical Sites shortly after Hubert Hainsbury's death at the age of
87 in 1975. Mr. Hainsbury, an avid philanthropist was quite the athlete in
his youth and was heard on more than one occasion to say that it was in
fact Cheezus who had inspired most of his runs.]
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I hope these Jokes do not offend any jews, christians, or muslims.
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